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Archive for April, 2010

OK, so when I was a kid, occasionally my folks would let me stay up late and watch some TV with them. This being the ’70s, that TV was usually a detective or cop show – “The Rockford Files,” “Cannon,” “The Streets of San Francisco,” etc. I loved those shows.

Even now, I’m looking for a good detective show to watch. Lately, when I start watching one, it gets unceremoniously canceled. It happened with “New Amsterdam,” it happened with “Life on Mars.” Now I’m into “Justified” on FX. I am crossing my fingers that this one slips by the programming executioners.

So, yeah, I totally geek out over a good detective show. Now, if only “Dude” was on, I’m sure it’d be a hit… I know I’d clear my scheduled to make sure I watched it every week.
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A United Auto Workers member works on the assembly line in a General Motors plant in Alvarado, Texas..

OK, so I don’t know where all these rants are coming from today, but:

That auto industry bailout last year that was a disaster… well, it’s not so much of a disaster after all.

Despite a recent series of wide-ranging automotive recalls from some of the world’s largest automakers, including Toyota Motor Corp. and General Motors Co., car sales in the United States remained significantly above the previous year’s level in April, continuing a growth trend motivated by buying incentives in March. In addition, a surge in auto fleet sales is expected to further improve the automotive industry’s upswing.

Last week, automotive research firm J.D. Power and Associates forecast that new vehicle retail sales in the U.S. will reach 804,200 units in April, representing a seasonally adjusted annualized rate (SAAR) of 9.8 million units. This would be a 22 percent increase over April 2009 and a gain of 1.8 million units in the year-over-year selling rate, indicating a significant improvement in consumer demand for new vehicles.

And that bank bailout that was such a disaster… it’s making profits.

Yeah, they were messy and were probably not the greatest ways to go about it, but they are working, despite all the hand-wringing and dire warnings about how they were socialistic government takeovers. Bah! When the boat is sinking (in this case, read: economy), you don’t complain about the color of the bucket, you start bailing.

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Everyone trusts Santa... it's the beard.

OK, so, evidently, men with certain kinds of facial hair are more trusted than others.

Based on this chart (it is too big to show here), my goatee & mustache says I’m way trustful . . . c’mon, you can trust me . . .

But beware the pencil-thin mustache, and run away from the Hitler brushstache . . .

No matter what kind of chin wig you sport, you’ll get a kick out of “The Beard Song (with ukulele accompaniment) .

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A ship tries to corral part of the oil slick in the Gulf of Mexico. It’s not working too well.

“Oh,” said British Petroleum, “we’ve got all the latest safety equipment on those mile-deep Gulf of Mexico wells.”

It turns out it didn’t.

“Oh,” said British Petroleum, “it’s just a small leak. We can handle it.

It turns out the leak is five times worse than BP admitted, and it can’t handle it.

As it stands now, the oil slick has entered the mouth of the Mississippi River, is endangering hundreds of species of fish and wildlife and thousands of acres of wetlands, and the air in New Orleans is beginning to turn putrid and is burning the noses of Crescent City residents.

And it’ll take at least a month to get the situation under control.

If you every uttered the phrase “drill, baby, drill,” go buy an airline ticket, fly your ass to New Orleans, put on some rubber boots and clean up that mess.

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Tom Robbins

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”

— Tom Robbins

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OK, so my friend Sonia is getting married this weekend to, as she calls him, her mighty, mighty good man, David. I’ve never met David, but based on the way she gushes about him, I’m sure he’s a great dude.

Seeing as how I’m living all the way across the country in Georgia, I will not be attending the wedding in the SF Bay Area (this is assuming I would have been invited, had I been closer… well, I probably would have been one of those on-the-bubble invitees who may or may not have to be cut from the guest list because they had to invite weird cousin Wilber and someone had to be cut).

Anyway, the happy couple should be looking for my wedding gift just as soon as the factory can ship it. If you promise you won’t tell them, I’ll show you what I’m getting them:
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Like I said, I don’t know David, but I do know Sonia. This will come in very handy.

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Sorry Sonia… I couldn’t pass up on that joke…

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Phyllis Diller

“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”

— Phyllis Diller

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