Maybe There’s Still Hope…

... by Bob Eckstein

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Where do I sign up?

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Quote O’ the Day

Dan Quayle

“Republicans have been accused of abandoning the poor. It’s the other way around. They never vote for us.”

— Dan Quayle

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Open Mouth, Insert Skate Boot

"Ooh, I hope the judges say I win!"

I have long argued that, while it takes a lot more athletic talent than I have, figure skating and ice dancing can’t really be called sports. I tend to get into this argument every four years or so, when the Winter Olympics come ’round.

I know, I know. I’ve heard all the counter arguments before: Skating is a very athletic activity and one must possess great strength, balance, grace, etc. But you can’t deny the fact that no matter what the skaters do on the ice, when they are done with their performances, they have to wait while judges apply subjective criteria to decide who “won.”

In just about every other sporting event, the athletes are competing against totally objective markers: 1) in head-to-head battle where one is the clear winner by outscoring the other; 2) against the clock; 3) against other athletes’ distance marks.

And while I’m at it, let’s admit that all the new X-Games-inspired events that call for spins, twists, flips and any move that is measured in the number of degrees while on skis or snowboards and are “judged” to decide the winner, has been added to the Winter Games to lure a younger audience but aren’t really sports, either. They are activities that call for someone to be athletic to be able to do well.

You might as well call ballet an Olympics sport.

Now, I’m not saying that it’s not all worth watching. I actually enjoy a lot of it, sort of, between the downhill skiing and bobsled and crazy lugers and all. Besides, skaters end up pulling funny faces while doing their axles and sow cows. In fact, Buzzfeed.com has compiled its 20 funniest figure skating facial expressions from the Olympics so far.

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Take Five (Wanna Hear My Pacino Impression?)

I don’t do impressions. I can’t make my voice do tricks like that. This guy—that guy with the glasses—can, at least in short spurts.
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But this guy gives himself way too much credit.

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Georgia Auto Insurance Win

The two doors on the left side of the car are now concave when they used to be convex.

(Updated Below)

OK, so I’ve made my share of cracks at the state of Georgia, and some of the odd things the people who live here do, say and think. But now I have to mark one down in the Georgia win column, and it’s something that can happen only in Georgia. When it comes to this particular issue, the rest of the country sucks rocks.

After doing some shopping the other day, I was walking back out to the car when something didn’t look right. Mainly, it was the fact that the two doors on the left side of the car were concave when they are usually convex. That, and the scratches and streaks of white paint on my not-white car.

After a few choice cuss words, I looked for a note. Nope. I checked in at the closest shops and restaurants to see if anyone had seen anything or whether they had security cameras. No dice.

So, as I was calling my insurance company, I was mentally subtracting $500 form my bank account, figuring the deductable would be fully deducted.

But according to Misty, my helpful USAA rep talking to me from Tampa, Georgia is the only state in the country that passed a law that allows for insurance companies to have one extra little check-off box under the Who’s at Fault column: the “Unknown, uninsured driver.”

Because Misty was able to put the check in that box, it means I was not at fault (duh), I will not have to pay for the repairs. So all I have to do is take the car in to the body shop, they’ll do the work, and I’ll have a car with a brand new left side, and it won’t cost me a thing. And since I added rental car coverage last time I renewed the policy, I won’t even need to beg a ride home from the shop.

I’m usually not one to tout a business, but if you’re looking for an insurance company, I’d say check out USAA. Good rates and great service. It doesn’t have a gecko or caveman spokesman, no pile of money with googly eyes or good hands or any other fruit of some ad man’s labors—in fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a USAA commercial—but I have had no complaints over the last 10 years.

UPDATE:

Well, I got my car back and everything was done to perfection. Collision Care of Lawrenceville did the work. The car looks great, and they were done on time. USAA footed the bill for the whole deal, including a week’s worth of rental car. Now, I have to admit that I had the specific policy riders that covered the Uninsured Driver and the car rental, but they cost just pennies a month. If you are in the market for auto insurance, and you qualify, I would definitely recommend you look at USAA.

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Quote O’ the Day

John Lennon

“Possession isn’t nine-tenths of the law. It’s nine-tenths of the problem.”

— John Lennon

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Quote O’ the Day

George Orwell

“A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.”

— George Orwell

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Take Five (The Ultimate Pep Talk)

When you need to rally the troops . . . here’s “40 Inspirational Speeches in Two Minutes.”

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Quote O’ the Day

Aesop

“It is in vain to expect our prayers to be heard, if we do not strive as well as pray.”

— Aesop

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‘A Gift From Me to You’

Misty's tattoo is a helpful reminder to those who may have forgotten her name.

OK, I stopped at the grocery store on the way home tonight to pick up some coffee. I don’t function well without my morning coffee.

So while I’m standing there, trying to decide if I wanted to try decaffeinated—not that the caffeine effects me in any way, but I was thinking, eh, what can it hurt? While I was mulling my choices, an attractive young woman pulled her shopping cart over and, evidently looking for one of those specialized brands on the bottom shelf, bent over and squatted down.

As a result of a high-riding sweatshirt and low-cut jeans, I was—along with the guy standing a little further down the aisle getting coffee filters—presented an unobstructed view of her lower back tattoo.

Tattoos are so normal today, even Barbie is sporting body art.

Now, I know that tattoos have become mainstream, and the odds are that every other twentysomething woman you meet may have one of one kind or another. Heck, I lived in San Francisco for 16 years. I’ve seen women with tattoos upon tattoos, punctuated with piercings of all kinds. So I’m not usually stunned by images applied to the body in indelible ink.

As far as tattoos go, this one was obviously done by a professional, as it has a sort of air-brushed quality, with scrolling and little stars and hearts, and a bit of pseudo-shadowing. But it was the verbiage that made this particular tattoo something worth discussion. In a nice script it read:

“A Gift From Me To You”

Mr. Coffee Filter did a double take and then stared a little too long, only breaking is gaze when she stood up. I would like to think I was little more subtle, but I did give it a good, hard look.

Long after she had found her Arabian Mocha Sanani or Sumatra Mandheling and moved on to another aisle, I was confused.

“A Gift From Me To You.”

What, exactly, was the gift? The tattoo itself? Was the idea supposed to be that this tat was so unexpected, that when reading it, the viewer would have to puzzle through this same thought, and therefore the gift is a brainteaser?

Did she run around as some kind of Santa Claus or Easter Bunny, passing out presents and then turning around and hiking up her shirt to show the tattoo to the recipients as a sort of reinforcing statement?

Or is it a private message to someone special; a note to her boyfriend, and the rest of us are just voyeurs?

I don’t know. Do you? Has anyone ever seen a tattoo like this? Inquiring minds want to know.

Lucky Ken.

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